Sometimes I wonder why I even continue to participate in “support groups”.  They aren’t REALLY supportive.  It’s full of high school clique bull shit.  I am not negative when I respond to anyone else but they feel the need to be hateful to me when I post and ask a question or something.  One cunt today didn’t even know what she was talking about (she had no clue what Addison’s disease was thank you very much) and was telling me to suck it up and move on.  Yes, let me just ignore the questions I have about my lab work so my doctors can continue to not do their jobs and just kill me faster.  Thanks.  Had I not diagnosed MYSELF I would be dead or dying.  Somehow because I “bash my WLS surgeon” I needed tough love.  Well, yes, I DO bash him and his practice.  Quite openly.  To their face.  Sure, they can use a scalpel and preform surgery but their aftercare is shit.  Did I expect my surgeon to actually diagnose Addison’s?  No.  Did I expect him to at least be concerned with chronic abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea?  Yes.  Did I expect him to be concerned that my labs are shitty?  Yes.  I did not expect him to just hand me scripts of Vicodin and tell me to use the pain killers to eat my protein.  I did not expect to on multiple occasions go to his office for a visit for problems to not even get seen by a doctor- not even come into the room to talk to me.  Did I expect him to work WITH my other doctors as far as medication management goes and not just make wild demands about me quitting chemo without discussing it with my specialist?  Yes.

I expect my doctors to do their job.  If they do not do their job, I have a problem with that.  If I have a problem with that I am going to voice my opening.  If he doesn’t want people saying his aftercare program sucks then maybe he should fix it.  Just saying.  There are hoards of other people who feel the same way I do- they just don’t voice their opinion.  I am not afraid of the doctors.  I will voice my opinion.  If I think they are doing a piss poor job then I am going to say so.  If that’s bashing then so be it.  I am just being honest in my experience with that surgeon and his practice.  They don’t return phone calls.  They don’t really do much follow up.  They kiss up to some people and ignore others.  If you happen to ask questions you get labeled as non-compliant.  My surgeon did not want to tell me how long my common channel was or how big he made my stomach.  I had to tell him that he either told me or I would go order the surgery notes and find out myself.  Why would he NOT want me to know?  What did he think it was bad I even knew those terms?  Can you see why I would think this guy is a prick?  He treated me WORSE because I educated MYSELF.

See- people DO get to me.  It makes me want to punch them in their dumb faces.  They are like little sheep baaing at society and just moving around in packs doing what the herd does.  I fucking hate that shit.  Just because YOU don’t know your asshole from an adrenal disease doesn’t mean EVERYONE is as dense as you.  And just because your doctor ignored your adrenal “fatigue” doesn’t mean that people with a damn life threatening adrenal disease are not going to be able to seek treatment for something you seem to think “doesn’t exist”.  Maybe you are just a hypochondriac cunt and that was your doctors way of telling you to suck it up and move on.

I am trying to stay positive but it’s really fucking difficult.  Someone asked about how long term post ops felt about regain.  My response sums up how I feel pretty well:

Regained? How about never made it out of overweight even at a size 7? THEN regained on top of that because I have to take 2 steroids every day for the rest of my life because my adrenal glands decided to stop working. I had weight loss surgery so the doctors would stop telling me I was just fat and figure out why I was really sick just to be finally diagnosed and put on treatment that just makes me gain weight no matter what I do. That makes me feel…. helpless. Like everything I did- losing over 230 pounds- was all for nothing, really. Just to get the doctors attention to say “hey look I’m not fat anymore, you can take me seriously now”. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m depressed. And there really isn’t anything I can do about it. I can stick to a strict low carb, high protein diet and exercise every day and still have to deal with the affects of two different kinds of steroids being taken every day. I can only hope that it will level off soon because if I go over 200 pounds again I will just cry.

I busted my ass to lose the weight.  I’ve battled eating disorders and all kinds of things to get to where I am and now I am completely helpless to do anything about my weight currently.  I don’t know how much I am going to gain.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  It’s one of the scariest things to ever happen.  No one really knows what’s going to happen.  I am a one of a kind medical case.  I have rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalsia, a migraine disorder, chronic Epstein Barr, malabsorption and malnutrition from the duodenal switch and Addison’s disease.  There is no one else, even statistically possible, to have all of those combinations of things.  I also have two secondary autoimmune diseases- Raynaud’s and Sjogren’s (hallmark symptoms are dry eyes and dry mouth, Sjögren’s may also cause dysfunction of other organs such as the kidneys, gastrointestinal system, blood vessels, lungs, liver, pancreas, and the central nervous system. Patients may also experience extreme fatigue and joint pain and have a higher risk of developing lymphoma.).

Raynaud’s

So yea- while you can’t see it on the outside I am messed up on the inside.  And it takes A LOT for me to open up and talk about it and especially to ask for any help.  So thanks, bitch, for ruining one of the only places I felt comfortable enough to ask questions and share my issues.  Of course you don’t give a shit do you?  Are you happy being in the “popular” clique in the WLS support group?  Does that make you super cool and awesome?  I really, really hope so because some day someone is going to come along and kick you directly in your twat and while I won’t be around to see it, I can still laugh knowing that karma will take care of it for me.

A little while ago before I ran out of laundry detergent one of my local stores had a buy one get one free sale on these Purex Ultrapacks and I had two $1.00 coupons.  So I got like 4 bags of them for around $3-4!  I finally finished up the liquid stuff and we have been using these for about 2 weeks now.  I used to use the Tide detergent tabs when they had those out so I am all about the idea of just dropping something into the washing machine and not having to measure.  It wasn’t difficult to convert me.

1) There is no mess.  Ok- the feel kinda weird but just make sure you have dry hands when you reach into the bag and everything will be fine.  Just grab one and toss it in.

2) Works on regular AND HE washers.

3) Also comes in the Free & Clear for those with allergies.

4) Purex is cheaper than a lot of other leading brand laundry detergents.

It works just as good without the mess and without the waste of the plastic bottles.  Purex posts coupons to their Facebook, too so like them for the latest deals.

I give them two big, clean thumbs up!!

So I am out of the hospital.  Looks like I diagnosed myself correctly- 7 months ago.  I do have Addison’s disease- primary adrenal insufficiency.  The doctor just pulled some baseline blood work and didn’t do a cortisol stimulation test (which Addison’s is really rare so I get that it may not have been known that was the test that needed to be done).  If I had not mentioned Addison’s in the hospital even, it would not have been caught.  They only did the stimulation test because I asked them to.  Thank goodness they listened to me because this is some serious shit.

Last reviewed: December 11, 2011.

So I was admitted to the hospital from the er yesterday.  I came in for gut rot and migraine but they kept me because my blood pressure and heart rate are too low.  Lots of labs.  Still waiting.  Sigh.

Guess what?!  I’m offensive.  I am NOT the 99% of humanity.  I’m the 1% who see things REALLY different.  It’s cool- I respect your decision to NOT agree with me (weird- right?!).  I will give you my opinion and defend my position but I am not actively trying to get you to CHANGE your point of view or to agree with me.  That’s fucking boring.  Believe whatever you want.  Santa Claus.  You got it.  The Tooth Fairy- sure.  Big Foot- I’m totally down to go hunting for a Big Foot!  I don’t go out of my way to piss people off.  I just have a different point of view than most people.  You don’t have to agree with me.  Just get off your high fucking horse and let other people have their own opinion.  I am not telling you what to do.  Get over it.

I’m offensive.  I’m controversial.  I’m a bitch.  I cuss.  I swear.  I make up swear words (cuntpickle- actually I stole that from Penn & Teller… twatwaffle… I am pretty sure that one is mine).  GET OVER IT.  The Great and Mighty Cthulhu is angered by this nonsense.  Seriously.

Most peoples resolution is to lose weight.  Sure, I would like to lose some more weight but I am going to take this year kind of at a different approach.  I am going to be happy with the progress I HAVE done and not beat myself up for what I HAVEN”T done.  I’ve made a lot of progress!  I’ve had my hair cut and dyed, I went and bought a pair of jeans that fit me- size 7/8 in Juniors thank you very much.  I am happy with that.  I never thought I would get to this size and while I would like to lose more I have to start looking at it for what it is and what I have done already.  What’s 20-25 pounds when you have already lost over 200 pounds?  And you wear a size 7?  So what if the stupid BMI chart says that I am overweight and my insurance calls me to ask if I am interested in weight loss information.  Whatever.  BMI is just an outdated, stupid system and I have already blogged about how ridiculous it is anyway.  I have finally settled into life in Illinois.  I have made friends.  I have found a niche to provide me with some form of income.  I am about to sign my 5th year lease at my apartment complex.  The kids and I are at a stable point in our lives.  Did I mention I have made some excellent friends?  I adore m friends.  All my friends- both near and far.

My main goal this year is to be more positive!  Let’s see how far I can get!  Check out the pink hair!

Yea yea I wrote not-fat latte…. we can all dream- right?!  Enjoy the Starbucks Karyn!  I am plotting my next giveaway as I type *evil laugh*

Karyn! Congrats and I will be contacting you to get your address to send you your gift card!