Sometimes I wonder why I even continue to participate in “support groups”. They aren’t REALLY supportive. It’s full of high school clique bull shit. I am not negative when I respond to anyone else but they feel the need to be hateful to me when I post and ask a question or something. One cunt today didn’t even know what she was talking about (she had no clue what Addison’s disease was thank you very much) and was telling me to suck it up and move on. Yes, let me just ignore the questions I have about my lab work so my doctors can continue to not do their jobs and just kill me faster. Thanks. Had I not diagnosed MYSELF I would be dead or dying. Somehow because I “bash my WLS surgeon” I needed tough love. Well, yes, I DO bash him and his practice. Quite openly. To their face. Sure, they can use a scalpel and preform surgery but their aftercare is shit. Did I expect my surgeon to actually diagnose Addison’s? No. Did I expect him to at least be concerned with chronic abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea? Yes. Did I expect him to be concerned that my labs are shitty? Yes. I did not expect him to just hand me scripts of Vicodin and tell me to use the pain killers to eat my protein. I did not expect to on multiple occasions go to his office for a visit for problems to not even get seen by a doctor- not even come into the room to talk to me. Did I expect him to work WITH my other doctors as far as medication management goes and not just make wild demands about me quitting chemo without discussing it with my specialist? Yes.
I expect my doctors to do their job. If they do not do their job, I have a problem with that. If I have a problem with that I am going to voice my opening. If he doesn’t want people saying his aftercare program sucks then maybe he should fix it. Just saying. There are hoards of other people who feel the same way I do- they just don’t voice their opinion. I am not afraid of the doctors. I will voice my opinion. If I think they are doing a piss poor job then I am going to say so. If that’s bashing then so be it. I am just being honest in my experience with that surgeon and his practice. They don’t return phone calls. They don’t really do much follow up. They kiss up to some people and ignore others. If you happen to ask questions you get labeled as non-compliant. My surgeon did not want to tell me how long my common channel was or how big he made my stomach. I had to tell him that he either told me or I would go order the surgery notes and find out myself. Why would he NOT want me to know? What did he think it was bad I even knew those terms? Can you see why I would think this guy is a prick? He treated me WORSE because I educated MYSELF.
See- people DO get to me. It makes me want to punch them in their dumb faces. They are like little sheep baaing at society and just moving around in packs doing what the herd does. I fucking hate that shit. Just because YOU don’t know your asshole from an adrenal disease doesn’t mean EVERYONE is as dense as you. And just because your doctor ignored your adrenal “fatigue” doesn’t mean that people with a damn life threatening adrenal disease are not going to be able to seek treatment for something you seem to think “doesn’t exist”. Maybe you are just a hypochondriac cunt and that was your doctors way of telling you to suck it up and move on.
I am trying to stay positive but it’s really fucking difficult. Someone asked about how long term post ops felt about regain. My response sums up how I feel pretty well:
Regained? How about never made it out of overweight even at a size 7? THEN regained on top of that because I have to take 2 steroids every day for the rest of my life because my adrenal glands decided to stop working. I had weight loss surgery so the doctors would stop telling me I was just fat and figure out why I was really sick just to be finally diagnosed and put on treatment that just makes me gain weight no matter what I do. That makes me feel…. helpless. Like everything I did- losing over 230 pounds- was all for nothing, really. Just to get the doctors attention to say “hey look I’m not fat anymore, you can take me seriously now”. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m depressed. And there really isn’t anything I can do about it. I can stick to a strict low carb, high protein diet and exercise every day and still have to deal with the affects of two different kinds of steroids being taken every day. I can only hope that it will level off soon because if I go over 200 pounds again I will just cry.
I busted my ass to lose the weight. I’ve battled eating disorders and all kinds of things to get to where I am and now I am completely helpless to do anything about my weight currently. I don’t know how much I am going to gain. I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s one of the scariest things to ever happen. No one really knows what’s going to happen. I am a one of a kind medical case. I have rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalsia, a migraine disorder, chronic Epstein Barr, malabsorption and malnutrition from the duodenal switch and Addison’s disease. There is no one else, even statistically possible, to have all of those combinations of things. I also have two secondary autoimmune diseases- Raynaud’s and Sjogren’s (hallmark symptoms are dry eyes and dry mouth, Sjögren’s may also cause dysfunction of other organs such as the kidneys, gastrointestinal system, blood vessels, lungs, liver, pancreas, and the central nervous system. Patients may also experience extreme fatigue and joint pain and have a higher risk of developing lymphoma.).
So yea- while you can’t see it on the outside I am messed up on the inside. And it takes A LOT for me to open up and talk about it and especially to ask for any help. So thanks, bitch, for ruining one of the only places I felt comfortable enough to ask questions and share my issues. Of course you don’t give a shit do you? Are you happy being in the “popular” clique in the WLS support group? Does that make you super cool and awesome? I really, really hope so because some day someone is going to come along and kick you directly in your twat and while I won’t be around to see it, I can still laugh knowing that karma will take care of it for me.